So I realized today that it’s been almost a month since my last post. And it’s completely my fault. There were moments when I had some free time and thought “I should write a post.” But for one reason or another I didn’t.

I do have a few excuses. The first is I have a new job working at a software company. And since I have very little background in software, the majority of my time sitting in front of my computer has been spent learning as much as I can.

The second is I’m in the middle of moving. I’m sure that everyone can relate to that stress. For the last few days I’ve been at home packing boxes, trying to decide which of my things will be going into storage, etc.

But in the end, these really are just excuses. I allowed myself to fall off the bandwagon, both in terms of my blogging and my eating. I let my frustrations about my weight get to me. After months of exercising and eating clean, I hadn’t lost a single inch. So I told myself, screw it. Instead of packing lunches every day, I told myself I was too busy and bought my lunch. Instead of getting up an hour early like I used to in order to go to the gym, I pressed the snooze button.

It finally was this last weekend that kicked my butt back into gear. After a month of not exercising and not following my diet, suddenly I was invited to a pool party with some of Jake’s coworkers. I immediately freaked out. The idea of walking around in my bikini was almost more than I could handle. I kicked myself that just a few nights before, I had indulged with a cheeseburger and fries.

But when we finally got to the pool and everyone was changed into swimwear, I looked around and realized no one there cared. Everyone was too busy chasing their children around the pool or enjoying the sunshine. And that the other women there, minus maybe the two 14 year olds, had the same exact “flaws” that I was so embarrassed about on my body. 

It was then that I decided it was time to get back to work. Not because I felt overweight. But because I hated that fear and guilt that suddenly hit me just because of a pool party. The next time an event comes up, I don’t want the urge to quickly drop 5lbs the night before. If I live my life the way I should: exercise and eating clean, then I’ll always be ready.

So here we go. 

What I Ate Wednesday: Restarting the clock

One of the last healthy meals I made almost a month ago. I wanted to retry the BBQ salmon recipe from Lauren’s blog, this time using Civilized Caveman’s Paleo BBQ sauce from the Pulled Pork recipe I had loved. It turned out OK. The BBQ sauce was a bit too tomato-y. More like a pasta sauce than a BBQ sauce.

Photos of a few of my lunches. I decided to try Protein Bar, which is a great to go lunch place right next to my office. If you live in Chicago, it’s the one right across the street from the Sears/Willis Tower.   Great quinoa bowls and smoothies. Although technically not paleo, I decided they were still “healthy.” 

The picture on the left was also my attempt at “healthy,” a salad from Panera. Don’t let it fool you. Those things are over 600 calories. And at $9 a pop, a giant waste of money.

And finally, one of my biggest indulgences with a friend the night before the pool party: salmon pizza, fresh cut potato chips with blue cheese dressing, oysters and a bloody mary. 

I’m sharing these photos because I decided that I need to make myself accountable. For the last month, I haven’t been doing what I need to do. And that needs to change. Last night I went to the gym. Was able to knock out 2 miles, shaving off about 20 seconds from my normal time. And today, I brought my lunch. Left over chicken and salad from last night. Recipes which I will share soon. 

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